>And not even a pint of this helps. Bleah. There goes the diet.
These are milk caramels from Japan- Hokkaido specifically. The writing on the bag is good Engrish- “At last! A not too sticky calcium enriched soft-candy that’s both healthy and tasty!” Wait a minute, that actually makes sense. Oh no! It’s the apocalypse, and it’s coming this way! RUN!!!
Healthy my arse. These things are like crack. Crack I tell you! Condensed-milky goodness, creamy yet chewy. Bastards. A serving is two at 65 calories, but it’s very hard to eat just two. The other night I had to distribute them around so that I wouldn’t be tempted to eat the whole bag myself, which is easy to do when you’re swanning around like a bloody Camille. By the way, they contain millet jelly. Whatever that is.
After a day of Alka Seltzer Cold, Airborne gummies and green tea, I finally made myself some brekkie: star egg toast, bacon and quick German fried potatoes.
We usually make German fried potatoes from leftover baked potatoes that haven’t been eaten, but for those whose objective is best described as “food NOW darnit!”, you can skip the baking part by nuking the potato for 2 minutes on high, then sauteeing with EVOO, salt (mmm… salt) and freshly ground pepper. And 4 strips of bacon if you’re like me and happened to have some left over from a dinner party you’d thrown previously.
Melt a slice of cheddar on top of the toast in the broiler and you have a delicious breakfast.
Which, unfortunately, you can’t smell or taste because your sinuses are well and truly bollocksed.